Causes of Divorce- What happened to ‘till death do us part?’
All marriages encounter problems. Living together through the thick and thin of daily life, spouses will inevitably face struggles and stressors along the way. Divorce is a tragic element of everyday life. What happened to ‘till death do us part?’ What causes this tragic reality?
As a significant percentage of marriages in the Western world end in divorce many opt out of marriage all together and settle for cohabiting. Many want their marriage to be “until death do us part” but maintain deep fears that they may end up a statistic. Then others influenced by a culture of what R. Paul Stevens calls, “throwaway relationships”[1] enter marriage with an “emotional loophole” believing unconsciously that if the marriage doesn’t work out there’s always divorce as an option. Instead of being a lifelong covenant, marriage today is seen as essentially a contract for the mutual satisfying of needs. “So long as we both shall live, has become so long as we both shall love.”[2] What causes this? Why do so many marriages dissolve? What is behind petitions for divorce?
Clark Ellzey[3] claims that the stated causes are seldom the real causes. Real causes range from children, to finances, sexual incompatibility, to religious affiliation. The stated causes—the grounds for divorce are “cruelty, incompatibility, adultery, desertion, drunkenness, and nonsupport.” Ellzey highlights that these terms carry variable meanings; there would seem to be no limit to the possible interpretations of “incompatibility.”
Sociologists and psychologists have all attempted to identify the various factors involved in divorce. One is the age at which a couple enters into marriage. If they have not gotten beyond adolescence to a mature enough place to settle down and face the problems of the modern world then the struggles and stresses of the world are likely to destroy their partnership. Without doubt older couples are less likely to divorce.
Education also plays a role. Ellzey uses studies that prove the divorce rate began rising among couples whose education ended with high school or before, on the other hand, the divorce rate lowers among those who went on through college. This latter group is also more likely to be mature, less romantically emotional.
G.H. Hoffman in his reflections on causes of divorce in the Lutheran Quarterly sates that, “Certainly one of the basic contributing factors to family disintegration has been an over-emphasis upon ‘individualism.” Responsibility to community is fading and rarely considered in a social climate where the individual believes all values are relative to immediate individual needs or longings. Hoffman strongly feels that the institution of marriage has been greatly affected by this loss of corporate responsibility.
Hoffman defines this phenomenon as a crisis. The causes of this crisis are many varied, internal and external; “the destruction of the economic unity of the family by industrial life and the increase of the means of communication, the housing problems of our great cities, the economic, social, and legal as well as the political and intellectual emancipation of women, the numerical surplus of women, and, above all the profound spiritual changes.”[4] In light of all efforts to name and heal this phenomenon of divorce the well-intentioned Christian soon discovers that the church concerning basic factors as marriage, divorce, and remarriage has yet to formulate a clear understanding.
To bring a more contemporary dialogue into the conversation, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott claim that the “till death do us part” of the marriage vow rings increasingly ironic. In the 1930’s, one out of every seven marriages ended in divorce. In the 1960’s, the divorce rate changed to one out of every four. This year 2.4 million couple will get married in the U.S., it’s predicted that half of these marriages will end in divorce. “Till death do us part,” has become “till divorce do us part.”[5] How can this be when we have the benefit of a professional community with more information and experience on the subject than ever before?
Perhaps the main concern is a lack of marital preparation. Couples today do not take advantage of the many great resources available to prepare them for a life together. It may just as likely be the case that we as Christian counselors aren’t preparing couples for a life of “Holy Matrimony.” “Less than a fifth of all marriages in America are preceded by some kind of formal marriage preparation.”[6]
Drs. Les and Leslie also includes the factors leading to divorce as: entering into marriage without a healthy understanding or expectation of marriage, a realistic concept of love, a positive attitude and outlook toward life, the ability to communicate their feelings, an understanding and acceptance of their gender differences, the ability to make decisions and settle arguments, and a common spiritual foundation and goal.
Unfortunately, there are many causes of divorce. All causes are all valid concerns that must be addressed if there is any hope in recovering ‘till death do us part.’
[1] Banks, Robert & Stevens Paul, R., The Complete Book of Everyday Christianity (Dover Grove, IVP, 1997) P. 299
[2] Ibid, 299
[3] Ellzey, W Clark. The Divorce Phenomena, Christian Century, 80 no. 14 Ap 3 1963, pp. 424-426. Article. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials
[4] Hoffman, G H.. Reflections on Divorce and Remarriage, Lutheran Quarterly, 9 no. 2 May 1957, PP. 125-143. Article. ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials
[5] Parrott, Les and Leslie, Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts (Grand Rapids; Zondervan, 2001) P.12
[6] Ibid. 13
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